4/20=Get $...or grow up!

So today is 4/20.  Nothing special about today, right. WRONG!  Today is the day also referred to as the unofficial official "smoke weed day" by cheeba monkies and potheads everywhere.  That's not fair, I don't want to group everyone together so no more name calling. I promise.  Still, that doesn't mean that today isn't the day everyone decides to celebrate their mental addiction to marijuana.  But why? And why do I care?

Well, from what I've heard there are a bunch of different meanings to the date's significance.  I've heard it has to do with how long it takes to get high, how long you stay high, the time Bob Marley died, and something about the actual composition of weed.  Which one is right? I don't know and I don't give a shit.  I don't smoke weed, but that doesn't mean I not in college (wink face?...j/k).  That's something my mom said to me..ya. AWKWARD.  PS- Love you mama! Anyway, I don't care that there's a day cannabus enthusiasts decide to celebrate their life choices, but I do care that non traditional weed smokers act like smoking weed on 4/20 is the coolest thing ever.

Every 4/20 I hear kids whispering about getting high, being high, intending to get high, or finding weed and it pisses me off.  No one give a Flock if you smoke weed! Sure, it was kool and rebellious and different when you were 16 and had lady-bits and cash thrown at youif you happened to posess some weed, but now--especially in college--smoking, obtaining, and just talking about weed is nothing too crazy.  Sure, some may see that as "not right" and use that to say college is for pussy liberal kids who'd rather get high then enter the work force, but who gives a hell?  My opinion:  smoke weed, or whatever else you like, just don't run around bragging about how high you got or how much cash you blew on weed.  I feel that a real pot smoker does it constantly and doen't need to wait to one flippin day out of 365 days to justify smoking weed.  And the people that ONLY smoke on 4/20?  Well, I hope drinking Drain-O becomes kool so you can be the first to bandwagon on that and leave the rest of us to live, and possibly smoke, in peace.  Sorry if that's too harsh.

Funny story, the other night I was hanging around a particular residence hall and no one there knew me.  Me and some friends were standing around and BSing about things only Tom Cruise would understand (Scientology joke?) and a girl asked me "if I could get her some tree?" Tree meaning weed.  Wow! Do I really look like a guy who sells weed? Wait, WTF does that mean? I don't know. No offense to you drug dealers and users out there...sorry.  But ya, I was just shocked that someone would ask me about getting them weed.  Sure, I look ghetto sometimes because I'm from the city, my voice sounds like a turtle-stoner, and I have MANY friends who are quite fond of Dope-A-Whanna but does that mean I'm the "weed guy" or was she just desperate?  Whatever the case was, I pretended to text someone and said, "Sorry, no luck." Ya...I'm THAT kool.

Back on point, weed smoking is kool and all but I just don't give a fuck who does what and when they do it.  I'm not just talking about weed, other drugs, or alcohol that I don't care about; I don't care about ANYTHING YOU PEOPLE DO that doesn't involve me.  Do whatever, just know that I'm not impressed with weed.  Really, it's not a big deal but I just hate when people don't shut the funk up about their 4/20 plans in public.  Go into Chambers Hall and yell "MARIJUANA!!!" and see how many people break their necks staring and judging you.  What a world. Some people belive that 4/20ers need to grow up, while I think you should do whatever you want. I think it's perfectly acceptable to smoke weed, make money doing it, or do whatever the hell else you want to do just PLEASE make sure you don't boast about your endevors. That's all I ask.

College is the last place you can get away with doing stupid and irresponsible things with little to no repercussions.  On that note, smoke up homiez!! This may be the last few years it will be cool.  WHen does it stop being kool to smoke weed?  28. Yes, 28. Why?  I don't know, that's just the way things are...just like the origin of 4/20. Deal with it.  Now after reading this, how many people do you think will quit the whole "weed thing" at 28?  The same people that are bandwagon Penguins and Pirates fans? (Laughs) Only time will tell.

PS-Please don't assume I can sell or get you weed. You'll just end up dissapointed like that girl was last night. And yes, that's the first time I've ever not been abe to satisfy a girl late at night. Zing POW BAMMMM!!!!!

Untimately, I think Daniel Tosh said it best >>>> Skip to 1:10 or watch the whole thing. It's funny!!

1 Week After Kim Ward...

 Last Wednesday Kim Ward, State Senator of the 39th District, held a Town Hall meeting in UPG's Chapel.  Too lazy to read all of this? Scroll to the end for a summary. 

Well over 60 people showed up to the meeting and 12-20 of them were Pitt-Greensburg students. Nice to see people showing up for events here.

As for the meeting, to a point it was a waste of time.  Many locals are fairly conservative so anything that came up lik raising taxes was met with a wave of boo's.  This meeting was like watching Fow News and yeling at the TV...it was pointless.  Kim Ward had very little to say, well I guess that's not true.  She talked a lot but there were no REAL solutions mentioned.  There was a lot of banter and repetitive phrases like, "we're working on that, we need to look at that, we're planning to do something about that, we need to change this or that, and I can't do anythig about that."  As far as answers go, no real answers were given. Many questions involving budget cuts or school recieved one of the previously mentioned blowoff answers.  What is she actually doing? I don't know.  I should've asked, I know, but I was afraid that my Hopey-changey-liberal-socialistic views would come through and I would be beaten by Kim Ward's minions.

What did I learn? Kim Ward would "love" to take a pay cut but that would never be passed by her peers.  Thanks to a very passionate questioner, I found that Kim Ward isn't sure about something like an alleged 18% spent on "food".  I don't know if what this man was saying was true or accurate but I do know that Kim Ward seemed to have no clue what that guy was talking about.  Was this guy just crazy? Or does Senator Ward not fully understand something with Governer Corbett's budget cuts?  To me, if this man was just blashing bullshit, or untrue and innaccurate facts and numbers, all over the place like Fox News does, he could just be misunderstanding something? right? But Ward had NO IDEA what he was talking about...not good.  This makes me think that Kim Ward doesn't fully understand everything in the governer's budget and only knows what she supports.

Ways to fix this?  Have elections where political affiliations aren't listed and the remove the option for people to select "straight Dem or Rep".  Force people to actually vote.  I'd be interested to see if people really have a reason for voting the way they do.   Yes, that's it.  A way to measure competence in each voter so the "Duuuurrrrr Republicans! or Democrats" votes don't happen.  Vote for a reason or not at all.  Who could look over these essays?  The members of our prison systems, of course!  Not likely, but I'm trying to make this lively.

Summing up the night:  Kim Ward blabbed for a while and people bitched and moaned for a while.  Ward doesn't seem to have made any changed to her agenda...but she knows college kids, parents and liberals aren't a fan of her or the Corbett's budget cuts (among other things). Progress made?  I don't think any was made...but atleast something happened. Right?

4th Annual Hall Olympics: Day 1 and DONE!

Oh, the Hall Olympics...where do I begin. Last week UPG had it's 4th Hall Olympics and it shows some potential. College Hall won this year, BTW. WOOO Freshmen!!! Anywayz, lets get to it!

First, let me say that I love the Hall Olympics. I think most of the events are at least good at their conception and that RSC, and the students involved, just want to put on a fun event.  Now, I have good and bad things to say in addition to some other comments and my opinions for improvement.  Do I have you're attention? No? Well check out these guys after the eating contest....

deliciously luke-warm hotdogs. WHY?

College Hall eating Champs!

Shaw boys fighting for 4th place

the hotdogs fought back

Now I could sit here and complain about cold soggy hotdogs but I’m not going to because I’m a man. BUT! I’ve decided to stay positive-ish and throw out my thoughts on the Hall Olympics.

First up: events.  The eating contest, in my opinion, sucked this year. Why? Not because I could only eat one mystery-dog before I realized I would puke and not because it reminded me of my youth camp counselor, but because hotdogs suck ass.  In the past there were pizza and wing eating contests, two foods that are awesome regardless of temperature.   Hotdogs on the other hand, not so great.

The scavenger hunt might have been cool, I don’t know for sure because I skipped every event after Monday.  But for the sake of avoiding a backtrack, I’ll just say that the weather sucked ass to go running around campus for a scavenger hunt.  I didn’t want to get a cold a few weeks before finals, sorry.  Also, I think a scavenger hunt would be better suited for the beginning of the year or for freshmen during their Welcome Week.  This would get kids to go all over campus and make friends as soon as their parents let them loose at UPG.

Moving on, Tug-of-War. A classic.  I heard there was some BS with teams winning that lost to other teams but I don’t know because I had no interest in getting all muddy and pulling a rope with 5 other people for a building I’m not going to live in next year (most likely).  I’ll explain this in a little bit.

Next up, the Relay Race and Trivia Game.  If I learned anything from CTF it was that running isn’t my “thing” anymore. Ya, I’m supporting a fat and lazy America…sue me.  You’re probably guilty too.  Only 5 people from every building could compete, from what I understand, and my building in particular only had 2 people show up. I’m definitely glad I skipped that one.

Finally we have dodge ball.  I love dodge ball so much all I’ll say is dodge ball. Dodge Ball.

Now for my opinions.

Event times were all over the place but they were usually in the middle of the afternoon between 3 and 5p.m.  Many people have classes then so I feel like that hurts turnouts for residence halls.  Maybe if the the events all happened at the same time every day it would give the event some degree of regularity and people wouldn’t be surprised when events happened earlier or later.  If someone missed an event on Monday then the next day they would still know the next day another event would happen at the same time.  But I guess you can’t pick perfect times for everyone to participate and there are 5 days of events so some others just have to pick up the slack for those who can’t participate.

What are the residence halls that have won the Hall Olympics in the last 4 year? Answer:  The Courts and College Hall. That’s it! ( If I’m not mistaken. Brian, please feel free to correct me here if need be.)

Why? Because they have the most people living in them and the most underclassmen.  I’ve lived in Westmoreland Hall for 2 years now and turnouts are always low for us.  I think it has to do with the number of students who are graduating, playing sports, or not returning to the halls they represent that are the big problems.  If I’m not living in Westmoreland next year, why should I want to win a “special prize” that I’ll never get to enjoy?  If I’m graduating, why should I care about winning some unknown prize?  If there were prizes for individuals for day-to-day participation and awards like MVP and Most Honorable Competitor then I think attendance would go up.  Not announcing the prize and labeling it as “special” makes me think my mom is trying to make a ten-year-old do a task and if he’s a good boy he’ll get a “special surprise” for it.  Why not just tell us what there is to win?  Maybe that would get upper class men to show up.  Athletes have crazy schedules and I get why they blow off the “Mystery Olympics” but maybe that could change.

I chugged almost 3 liters of pop for the Pop Slop and one trooper, Hillary, puked.  She ate 9 hotdogs and chugged pop till she puked.  How she ate 9 I have no idea.  We were DQed and received 0 points.  Only 3 people came out for Westmoreland Hall last Monday.  All that discomfort for nothing.  If anyone else wanted to win they were gunna have to do it without me.  The poor turnnout by my building made me realize that no one cared and without a lot of people many of the events aren't fun...especially if you get your ass kicked.  So I said fuck it, if anyone else wants to compete they can do it without me...I'm not going to waste my time for a lost cause.  Crazy Idea: Make scoring like Quiddich in Harry Potter. Every event is worth 100 points then the Trivia game is worth 1 billion points.  lets award intelligence over eating abilities and physical conditions. Lol, who expected a Harry Potter reference here? I didn't!

SGA is really pushing to make Homecoming a “tradition” at UPG but I think the Hall Olympics is a better example of “UPG doing UPG”.  Like the NFL or the NBA, it took a while for the idea to catch on and develop but they turned in to awesome organizations.  I think the Hall Olympics is a young event that, with some tweeks here and there, could become a lasting tradition that could build memories for our students.

Enough of that sappy crap, here are some guys puking again!

Again....because I could

Robert Shaw Hall: Steps Deaths Down 80%

That's right, less people have died from falling down the steps of Robert Shaw Hall this year than last year (WOOT!).  Last year 78.5 students (one student is now paralyzed from the waist down so I count that as .5) died compared to this year in which only nine students have fallen to their death.  "But WHY, C.J.?" is what you're probably yelling at your screen. Well, calm down, sip some doughnuts and eat some tea and I'll explain it all to you.

Robert Shaw, or RS as I will refer to it, is typically the one residence hall with the most alcohol violations...or The Courts.  Anyway,  last year there were 666 alcohol or drug violations in RS so it only makes sense that almost 79 students became "Shwasted", or too messed up, and stumbled down the 43 concrete steps that lead to the lower parking lot.

"We tried installing a slide a few years ago but we're pretty sure that just facilitated more sloppy deaths," Officer Baconpigglez said. "We even tried installing a ball pit at the bottom but that only made kids jump into it from ridiculous heights and die on impact.  Our last idea was to install one of those chairs that carries people up stairs...we asked the university to install it in the Fall of '09 and it's still under construction. Like everything else here, construction jobs never gets done on time."

Even after knowing how many people die every year, students don't seem to be fazed.

"I know some dumb assholes have died here, but that doesn't scare me!" Fannyben Dover, freshmen, said. "I just avoid those steps...unless I wanna show off my new underwear."

While this was a huge problem last year, it seams like a solution has just fallen from the heavens.

"When students drink Four Loko energy/alcoholic drinks they pass the fuck out," Baconpigglez said.  "It's hard to party hard when your heart is beating irregularly.  We've actually only had 16 alcohol or drug reports from RS this year, so it makes sense that only nine people have did this year.  While I can't condone underage drinking, I would recommend that students chose to drink Four Loko for their own safety."

But are Four Loko and not drinking really the only possible solution?

"I just go down the wheelchair ramps," Salvator Lammi, one of the students who died last year, said. "I don't wanna be safe and hold the railing like a bitch and people will make fun of me. I'm already dead so I can take my time going places...plus I don't wanna fall down those steps and die again. That wouldn't be good. My parents would be so mad at me if I died again."

Saddly, Four Loko's have been banned in PA so the number of deaths at RS might be on the rise.  You could also just avoid the steps or hold onto the railing for safety.  After all, you don't want to have to explain to your parents how you died...do you?

"I stocked up on 'Lokos' a long time ago, so I'm safe for the rest of the semester," Dan Ermann, senior, said.  "Now I'm gunna go drink one and pass the hell out. l'chaim!"

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                    APRIL FOOLS!!!!!